I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Randomize
