it wasn't lemon gatorade
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
Randomize
