i don't like sucking hair
so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
