Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
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