some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
