I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
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