she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
i drank out of a bidet.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
I just got carded by a ten year old.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Randomize
