About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
