I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Randomize
