I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
you had me at cake vodka
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
