i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
I think my moral compass just broke
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Randomize
