Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
