Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
Fuck appropriateness.
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
Randomize
