I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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