You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
