dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
Randomize
