My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
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