my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
