just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
