You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
