He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
