what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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