I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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