I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Randomize
