K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
