It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Randomize
