The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
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