Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
and i looked up. we had an audience...
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
