I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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