it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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