went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
only if we run a train.
done.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
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