woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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