I smell stomach acid.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
Randomize
