youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Randomize
