my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
