At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
