i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
Ladies don't puke and tell
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