I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
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