We're facebook friends in real life
i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
