I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Randomize