and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
