bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
