If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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