Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Randomize
