Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
