just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
