I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
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