already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
