Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
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