Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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