Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
