And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Randomize
