Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
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