I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize