My girlfriend figured out who you are.
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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