You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
Randomize
