This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
Randomize
