I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
PS: I just woke up from my shower
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Randomize
