You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
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I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
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Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
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