The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
