I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Randomize
