He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
