No awkward lesbian experiences without me
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
Randomize
