Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
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