I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
Randomize
