Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
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like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
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