Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
