Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
Randomize
