Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Randomize
